Scars By: A.I.R. Charmaine Gumbs
SCARS
According to the dictionary, a scar is a growth of tissue marking the spot where skin has healed after an injury. To me there are many different types of scars; physical, emotional, and physical. There is evidence that something traumatic has happened and you have recovered and healed from it.
To me, my scars are evidence that I survived, conquered and endured. In the end I managed to emerge, change, and transform. When I look in the mirror not only do I see my flaws I see the survivor that fought to stay and not be defeated by life. I am amazed I can still smile and I can still be loved, cause I survived what many would have left broken and defeated.
I have been told all my life that I am a strong woman, but sometimes the strong get weak and need the strength of another. Anything strong needs support or it too shall become weak and crumbled. You are only as strong as the strength of your foundation and the support you have in your corner.
When people look at me they see someone full of strength but doesn't know the stories that lead to that strength that I carry so well, or the times I feel so beaten and in thirst for some support from someone else’s strength.
I remember when I felt like I did not know who I was. I have been a daughter, sister, friend, employee, girlfriend, mother , and co-worker for so long that I did not recognize who I was anymore. I looked at the reflection in the mirror and did not recognize the reflection staring back at me.
Finding myself again was not an easy journey. It took a lot of self discovery, self love, selfishness believe it or not because being selfless is how I forget about myself until I lose myself and forget that I even existed. I felt so horrible about myself that I did the only thing I know how to do that makes me feel better. I wrote a poem about what was going through my mind and the emotions at that moment. In that exact moment …. Am I Who ?, was written. That is the first poem I wrote in the book Defining Moments. I feel anyone can resonate with this poem especially women cause we tend to wear many hats until we do not know whose head or what hat we are wearing anymore. Am I Who?, was the beginning of me finding myself and the rebirth of the writer in me.
Writing Am I Who?, was the beginning of me removing layers and layers of scars. Although those scars were evidence of a trauma that once was, to me my scars were birthmarks that a new one was birthed through the pain that I survived.
AM I WHO?
Am I who ?
Who I am ?
That is the ?
I cannot seem to answer
All I know is
I’ve lost myself
When did this happened
I cannot confess
Years ….. I have
Does not show in my face
The evidence lies
In life stories
Stories that lead
To my soul being dead
The question is
Am I, who I am?
Or who I am is
Not what I am
Charmaine Gumbs
